Moore looks at deep wrinkle for Beliefnet reader

Thomas Moore recommends that a 50-year-old reader clarify her position for herself and then share her concerns with an amorous neighbour whose wife is in a vegetative state in a nursing home. Moore’s response to Unsure begins,

"It is often the case, especially as we get older and have more experiences, that a new romantic opportunity will have a wrinkle in it. Some obstacle or impossibility becomes part of the picture and makes the relationship a challenge. The fact that your neighbor is still married is definitely a deep wrinkle, but it sounds as though you want to explore the possibilities, even knowing that there are dangers involved.

It concerns me that he seems to be in full control of your relationship. He insists on discretion. He contacts you when he wants to, and you are left hanging. There seems to have been enough involvement for you to ask for clarity about what he wants, how he feels about the situation, and what you would like, even under the circumstances. Your passivity isn’t helping you."

He suggests,

"You also mention that the experience is making you feel like a teenager. On the plus side, it’s great when love keeps you young. The negative side of this, though, is a loss of maturity and responsibility for yourself. It might help you to recover some of your wisdom and, without losing the excitement of a new love, handle things both more cautiously and more boldly.

Your inhibitions are important, but so is your desire and vitality. You have to hold these opposites in tension so that both contribute to a firm decision about where to go next."

Beliefnet readers are invited to post their reactions beside Moore’s answer.