Slay holiday dragons during these dark nights

A 34-year-old woman writes about her dating concerns to Thomas Moore at Beliefnet.com. If she tries her first attempts at online dating before the Christmas holidays, she'll feel uncomfortable talking about her religious beliefs during this "heavier" time of year, yet she doesn't want to sit at home alone on New Year’s Eve. Moore suggests to Hold the Holidays:

"... a discussion about belief can be engaging and get a relationship on solid ground. If you're afraid to talk about your spirituality, you might ask yourself just what stops you. What are you afraid of? It would be good to confront this monster now, or it will be a problem in any relationship.

It might also help to talk with friends about the holidays, instead of placing all the weight on your new date. Clearly, you have to sort out your feelings and ideas about your religious background and your current spiritual views. You sense that the combination of a new person in your life and your confusion about spiritual matters are too much to deal with, especially during the holidays. So spread it all out. Get some practice and some clarification with your friends.

Your plan to postpone dating until after the holidays is rooted in fear and worry, never a good basis for any decision. I think you could shift from being a victim of the holidays to being the master of your life. All it takes is some strength and determination to deal with this holiday dragon.

You don't want to be alone during the holidays. That much is clear. So take a deep breath, flex your muscles, and knock off these fears. They're not so serious; they're just annoying. To win this battle will help you during holiday seasons for the rest of your life, and the non-holidays times as well."

Moore tells her to be courageous and not a victim.

Book profiles Moore as a spiritual visionary

Visionaries, published by Chelsea Green Publishing earlier this year, includes a description of Thomas Moore as one of the Twentieth Century’s most important 100 inspirational leaders. This book is edited by Satish Kumar and Freddie Whitefield who live in England. Kumar is editor of Resurgence magazine, Program Director of Schumacher College and a published author. Freddie Whitefield is a craftsman and editor.

They write, "Out of a long list of strong contenders, we have selected one hundred visionaries for this book who have made the greatest impact in creating and projecting a holistic world-view, where creativity, imagination and human well-being should be the basis of social, political and economic activities. The list is naturally subjective — there are many other visionaries who could have been included in this book. It is a list of those who have influenced the ethos of Resurgence, have been featured in its pages, and have made a profound impression on the magazine."

In an August 2007 review, Richard D. Wright says, "Each profile includes the subject’s picture, several quotes, and a 400- to 500-word write-up." Wright's review includes, "The 85 contributors are all people knowledgeable in their fields who write about their choices with understanding and passion. Of additional interest is a concluding section, 'Further Information on Visionaries,' that offers four pages of book titles and webpages for those who wish to study individual visionaries in greater depth."

Thomas Moore is presented as a Spiritual Visionary by Maya Kumar Mitchell, who edited The Resurgence Craft Anthology.

Visionaries: The 20th Century's 100 Most Inspirational Leaders
Edition: Paperback
Format: B&W Illustrations
Pages: 8 x 10, 224 pages
ISBN-13: 978-1933392530
ISBN-10: 1933392533
Publisher: Chelsea Green Publishing

Thank you, Ken Blackham, for telling us about this publication.

Moore looks at deep wrinkle for Beliefnet reader

Thomas Moore recommends that a 50-year-old reader clarify her position for herself and then share her concerns with an amorous neighbour whose wife is in a vegetative state in a nursing home. Moore’s response to Unsure begins,

"It is often the case, especially as we get older and have more experiences, that a new romantic opportunity will have a wrinkle in it. Some obstacle or impossibility becomes part of the picture and makes the relationship a challenge. The fact that your neighbor is still married is definitely a deep wrinkle, but it sounds as though you want to explore the possibilities, even knowing that there are dangers involved.

It concerns me that he seems to be in full control of your relationship. He insists on discretion. He contacts you when he wants to, and you are left hanging. There seems to have been enough involvement for you to ask for clarity about what he wants, how he feels about the situation, and what you would like, even under the circumstances. Your passivity isn’t helping you."

He suggests,

"You also mention that the experience is making you feel like a teenager. On the plus side, it’s great when love keeps you young. The negative side of this, though, is a loss of maturity and responsibility for yourself. It might help you to recover some of your wisdom and, without losing the excitement of a new love, handle things both more cautiously and more boldly.

Your inhibitions are important, but so is your desire and vitality. You have to hold these opposites in tension so that both contribute to a firm decision about where to go next."

Beliefnet readers are invited to post their reactions beside Moore’s answer.